Holly Weeks Communications
hollyweeks.com

Most books and articles on troubled conversations are too simplistic. They portray people of good will who are at odds, usually because of an absence of information or a short-term misunderstanding.

'Getting Through' shows you how to get at the missing information and how to correct the misunderstanding so that troubled relationships can improve. Conversations can then proceed based on mutual trust, respect, and understanding.

The following are common communication issues that can ruin or stress a relationship. 'Getting Through' addresses these issues and provides you with the tools you need to navigate through life's tricky interactions.

"How do I talk about a difficult issue with someone who refuses to reason? Someone who lies? Threatens me? Has power over me? What do I do if I listen and hear the other person so well that I lose confidence in the validity of my own thoughts? How do I say what I need to say and preserve the working relationship if the other person takes things so hard that she starts crying uncontrollably? What if the other person gets me so upset that I think I’m going to start crying? How do I keep from getting backed into a corner? I spend too much time worrying that people won’t like me. I thought we were going to talk and it turned into a confrontation. They just take over and I lose control. They catch me off-guard. They interrupt when I’m trying to get my thought out. They take up all the air time and do all the talking. They start bullying me and I never know whether to retaliate or take the punch. I think I know how to set things right, but they’re so stubborn. I get nervous when they’re angry, so they win. We were doing okay, and then they stonewalled; they just shut me out. I can’t think when they’re so hostile. They take everything too personally. I try to talk nicely so they’ll know I’m not being mean, and then they get sarcastic.

Most of us practice avoidance as our preferred approach to these uncomfortable conversations. When we don’t know what to do we often go with gut reactions and repeated behavior. We swing from end to end of an invisible spectrum of response. One end is very nice and very tactful. The other end is brutal honesty.

'Getting Through' is a clear, persuasive, compassionate and concrete guide about how to think ahead of time, not in the heat of the moment. How to figure out what you want to do and where you want to get in a sensitive and difficult communication. Know your own worst problems -the triggers that screw you up— know what to say the next time.

Learn to recognize and avoid common tactics that work badly, even if you use them yourself, and replace them with better techniques. Expand your range of responses, and find the middle ground that changes the game, so that the issue is not about controlling or not controlling the situation, but of being who you want to be.